a poem by stefani ann

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i saw this new boy across the room
i've never seen him before
right away he cought my eye
as i walked through the door

one school year later
this boy still on my mind
i tried to search his eyes for answers
but there was nothing i could find

i decided to turn to childhood games
i made him my best friend
hoping if it all worked out
he'd fall for me in the end

our 8th grade went on a trip to d.c.
he said at the end he had something to say
i was really anxious to know what it was
but i thought i knew so i couldn't wait

the last day of our trip
he told me how he felt
i was a crushing little school girl
so happy i could melt

another school year later
i still had feelings but i lied
afraid of a real relationship
but he was always by my side

he went through all his girlfriends
each one felt like a kick in the knee
but in the end i could always tell
he still had feelings for me

that summer was a long one
i still liked him, he still liked me too
when after three years i failed to stop
i knew that i loved you

i thought you were amazing
goofy in every perfect way
i loved everything you did
i loved everything you'd say

people tried tearing us apart
telling lies that made us mad
he told me they did it only
because they were jealous of what we had

the next school year later
you said you never stopped loving me
i knew for sure that night
that me and you were meant to be

you told me it was the homecoming football game
when you realized my feelings were still true
i walked around the rest of the night
with my arm wrapped around you

me and you were finally together
i was never so happy in my life
i loved being wrapped in your arms
with you holding me so tight

i wondered why you waited so long
for me and my stupid ways
of always hiding my feelings from you
it felt like three years of rainy days

it was then four years from the start
and it wasn't to my surprise
you were still standing there
always right by my side

we were always together
i wanted to be with you all the time
i was so unbelievably happy
that you were completely mine

you were my first everything
first kiss, first love, first time
it's what i was hoping, was planning
since i wanted you to be mine

i felt so lucky to have this love
some poeple don't ever find it
everything me and you have been through
i'd never go back and rewind it

both knowing how long it took us to get here
laying side by side in my room

looking straight into eachothers eyes
we knew it wouldnt be ending anytime soon

telling me you loved me 200 times a day
my heart, you really did win it
whenever i planned my life
i was always planning you in it

you told me we'd always be together
i felt this comfort in my heart
i knew everything would go perfect
just like i planned it from the start

i could tell by the way that you looked at me
you never wanted me to go
no matter what i would always be there
i made sure to let you know

with eachother every second we could
and when we were alone
we never missed eachother to much
because we were always on the phone

when he would ask my best friend if i still loved him
when he thought i didn't and was scared
i felt so much comfort
knowing how much he cared

some thing's in the past were rough
but you made it worth waking up every day
and you made sure that i knew
that you were always here to stay

sometimes there were bad moods
and sometimes there were fights
but those things are going to happen
and everything always turned out alright

people told me thing's i didn't want to hear
just flirting but i didn't like the sound
i didn't know what to do anymore
and then i just broke down

so at the end of the year i made a stupid mistake
my jealousy broke us apart
i had no idea soon to come
was more pain than i've ever had in my heart

i tried to say sorry
but he had nothing to say
and the boy always at my side
decided it was time to walk away

that summer i hit rock bottom
thinking about him every day
even though i regretted breaking up with him
this low point in my life was my time to pay

i was miserable all the time
wondering if you cared
looked at your pictures and read your notes
which soon enough were teared

you never called me
you never came by
you never asked how i was doing
all i did was cry

when i said it was over
you knew it was out of pain
yet you through my out of your life
like a cat in the pouring rain

that summer i thought about ending my life
i had nothing left in me to do or say
it was my best friend
that kept me going every day

first day back at school i saw him
i turned around and walked the other way
three months ignoring me
i had nothing to say

he tried talking to me
i couldn't believe he had the nerve
even as a friend
i kicked him to the curb

i did nothing but ignore him
i couldn't even think
i was a boat, life was an ocean
and i was ready to sink

time went by
i kept holding my gruge
people told me to talk to him
but i wouldn't budge

what hurt the most
was that he seemed so happy
like nothing had happened
i felt so crappy

a few weeks later i saw him kiss a girl
i couldn't believe my eyes
sat in my next class shaking and numb
i felt like his promises were lies

i ran to the bathroom
on my knees in the stall
at that very moment
i wanted to erase it all

when she passed i couldn't help but stare
even though they didnt last
i was so angry she got him at all
she didn't have my feelings, my past

i remember a night after we broke up
he told me i wouldn't loose him forever
but i could tell he didn't want me in his life anytime soon
i thought probably never

i wish i never met him
i wish i didn't care
i wish i didn't love him
none of this was fair

everytime i saw him
i got a chill down to my toes
whenever with another girl
i walked with my eyes closed

and when i saw him coming
i'd look down at the floor
and i couldn't look him in the eyes
knowing he might not love me anymore

that year i didn't go to football games
they just reminded me of him
i didn't care about anything
didn't care to see my school win

the year went pretty fast
it flew right on by
but there was still that empty feeling
way down deep inside

now i was smiling all the time
made a lot of new friends along the way
i didn't really think about it as much
but a little pain never went away

he heard from someone i still had feelings
i said i did, and so did he
we kissed and then out of nowhere he got mad
i could tell thing's were about to repeat

but the kiss lasted a long time
and i know his feelings were there
i really got my hopes up
and i could tell that he still cared

i could never figure out the reason
why he kept pushing me away
but i already said all i could
so i just went on my way

during the next three months of summer
i was cut out of his life, i could tell
i never understood what i did to deserve this
but i needed him out of my life as well

i loved you for so long
all the memories, i thought it would last
and within a single sentence
it all just became the past

trying to find reasons i thought you still loved me
always digging to try and find signs
then i realized you not only walked away from me once
but you walked away from me two times

through all of the happy days
and all of the sad
you were always there for me
no matter how bad

but times have changed
and so have we
you might not be there anymore
but i'll find someone who will be

i went to a football game our last year
and glared up at the crowd
i saw him staring down at me
but i didn't let it effect me now

and now i finally realized
it wasn't about me having to pay
i just have to find that person
that will never walk away